Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's never too late to be topless.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
