She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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