does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
