Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
