Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
