If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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