I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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