I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
