in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
