Dude my mom stole all your condoms
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
