Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
