Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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