Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
