You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
