she woke up with a sticky ear
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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