i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
