If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
