I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
