I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
not ubering you a puppy
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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