So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
