I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
