You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
