if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
