wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
