Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
