Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
