i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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