tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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