You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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