You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
