That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
