so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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