R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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