I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
