Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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