So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
