If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
