Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
