I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
