how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
