okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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