We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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