hell yes lets make some ravioli
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
