I want to stick my p in your. b.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
