She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
