well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He has the fingertips of a God
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
