in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
