Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
