i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
