why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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